the process

Thank you, my Abba Father, for your patience with me!!

Years ago I began to pray that God would help me grow into a "whole" person. I wanted to develop a stable mind-soul-spirit-body with Christ centered in my life. And in that state of being, then find a life-partner, husband, companion, who was also healthy in these aspects.

The movies, songs, poems of today talk about that ideal relationship where your partner "completes you." I didn't want another person to complete me, I wanted to be perfected in Christ and meet another who was also complete.

While undergoing the process of this change, I got a bit lost, forgot the plan, changed my prayer. "I'm lonely, Lord! You've made me with a heart full of love and no one to share it with! My son is too big to cuddle and I need contact, affection. How could you forget me, God?!! "

(But God hadn't forgotten me, He had already blessed me with a fur child {aka: cat} who loves to cuddle and gives me lots of attention and affection.) I had been blessed, my prayer answered, just not in the way I expected.

Move ahead a few years.... the process of the change I need is slow and lengthy and difficult. It's taking lots of time and tears to become the person I want to be. And once again I forgot the details of my prayer. "God, I want a partner. I've been alone so long and I keep praying and you don't answer my prayers! Why have you forgotten me!?" Once again, the Lord had not forgotten... He blessed me greatly, a double blessing. He brought friends to support me, a therapist to guide and heal me, a class to educate me so that I could become the person I prayed to be. Once again my prayer is being answered, but according to God's plan and not according to my demands.

But God did not forget my prayer. And He did not give up on me! He has sent blessed messengers to me more than once to show me the way. He's done so again today. Phase two of my original prayer has not begun yet because I'm not ready. The Lord is answering my prayer, I have to go further through the process before I'm able to begin phase two. I'm not yet able to take care of myself and the blessings I have now so I'm not ready for the blessing of a husband/ marriage partnership which require care and nurturing.

In the recent past, I would have felt so discouraged by this revelation, but today I'm able to feel very encouraged by it. My mind is being renewed, I'm able to see this as a loving answer to my prayers instead of feeling rejected by God. I am loved. I am validated. I have worth. I rejoice in being able to say these things and mean them, believe them for the first time in my life. God is Great! Amen.